Lived experience guide
Representing Yourself in Family Court
If you are going to family court as a litigant in person, this page is here to make the practical side feel less overwhelming. It cannot tell you what the law says — only a qualified solicitor can do that — but it can share what helped members who sat in that waiting room before you.
Not legal advice
Unknotted is not a legal advice service. This page was written by Katie, who is not a lawyer, mediator or professional of any kind — it comes purely from her own experience of going through divorce. Always check your own situation with a qualified solicitor, mediator, financial adviser or other relevant professional before making decisions.
Four things members wish they had known first
Work through these at your own pace. Take what helps and leave the rest.
What “litigant in person” actually means
The phrase sounds formal. It simply means you are speaking for yourself.
- A litigant in person is someone attending family court without a solicitor or barrister speaking for them.
- People end up here for all sorts of reasons — cost, timing, or simply preferring to speak for themselves.
- You are allowed to ask the court to explain anything you do not understand, in plain words.
- Many courts allow a McKenzie friend to sit with you for quiet support; ask the court how that works in your area.
- Nothing here tells you what the law says — only a qualified solicitor can do that for your situation.
Getting your paperwork in order
Feeling prepared takes the edge off the nerves more than anything else.
- Keep one folder — paper or private and digital — with every form, order and letter in date order.
- Write a one-page summary of what has happened and when, so you never have to rely on memory.
- Number your pages and keep a spare copy for yourself; hunting for a document under pressure is horrible.
- Note every deadline the court gives you in a calendar with a reminder several days beforehand.
- Members often use the private Unknotted journal and document library so everything lives in one place.
Preparing for the day itself
Small, practical things that made members feel steadier.
- Check the address, the building and how long the journey takes; arrive far earlier than you think you need to.
- Bring water, a pen, a notebook and something to eat — waiting time can be long.
- Write down the three things you most want the court to understand, in short sentences.
- Practise saying them out loud to a friend, or into your phone, until they feel less frightening.
- Plan what happens afterwards: who you will call, where you will sit for ten minutes before driving home.
Afterwards
The hours after a hearing can hit harder than the hearing itself.
- Write down what was said and decided while it is fresh, before the day blurs.
- Read any order carefully and ask the court office if the wording is unclear to you.
- Give yourself a quiet evening. Reaction often arrives late.
- Share how it went with people who understand — the community has many members who have sat in the same waiting room.
Questions members ask about going to court alone
What is a litigant in person?
It is the term used for someone who goes to family court without a solicitor or barrister representing them. It is common, and court staff are used to it.
Can Unknotted tell me what to say in court?
No. Unknotted is not a legal advice service and Katie is not a lawyer or mediator. Everything here is lived experience shared by people who have been through it. For anything about your own case, speak to a qualified solicitor.
How do I keep my paperwork organised for family court?
Most members keep everything in one place, in date order, with a short written timeline at the front. The private Unknotted journal and document library were built for exactly this.
Is it normal to feel terrified about representing yourself?
Completely. Nearly every member who has done it describes the same fear beforehand and the same relief afterwards. You are not unusual and you are not alone.
You don’t have to walk in unprepared or alone
Members who have been through hearings share what helped them stay calm and organised.