Lived experience guide
How to Prepare for Divorce
Preparing for divorce is not about having everything figured out. It is about giving yourself a little ground to stand on while the rest of life shifts. This guide shares the steps that helped people who have been where you are feel more organised, less afraid and better able to make clear decisions.
Not legal advice
Unknotted Foundation is not a legal advice service. This guide was written by Katie, who is not a lawyer, mediator or professional of any kind — it comes purely from her own experience of going through divorce. Nothing here is legal, financial or professional advice. Every divorce is different, so please speak to a qualified solicitor, mediator, financial adviser or other relevant professional about your own situation.
Seven areas to prepare at your own pace
You do not need to do everything at once. Pick one area that feels manageable today and come back to the rest when you are ready.
Get organised
A little structure now can save a lot of stress later.
- Start a dedicated divorce diary (record dates, times, conversations and important events).
- Save all emails, texts, WhatsApp messages and letters.
- Screenshot important conversations.
- Create folders (digital and paper) for all documents.
Gather your information
Knowing where you stand financially makes every next step clearer.
- Bank statements
- Mortgage statements
- Credit cards and loans
- Pension details
- Payslips/income
- Tax returns
- Business accounts (if applicable)
- Property valuations
- Insurance documents
Protect yourself
Get a clear picture of what you have, owe and spend.
- List all assets and debts.
- Understand your monthly income and expenses.
- Check your credit report.
- Keep receipts for significant spending.
- Back up all important documents.
Communication
Calm, written communication protects your future self.
- Keep all communication calm and factual.
- Assume every message could be read in court.
- Avoid sending messages when emotional.
Children
Their needs come first, always.
- Keep a factual record of arrangements.
- Put the children's needs first.
- Avoid involving children in adult disputes.
Explore your options
Understanding the process reduces fear and helps you choose the right path.
- Learn about mediation (where appropriate).
- Understand the divorce process.
- Seek professional advice when needed.
Look after yourself
This is a long road. You matter on every step of it.
- Build a support network.
- Accept help.
- Prioritise your mental and physical health.
- Remember there is life after divorce.
Things I wish I'd known
Small reminders from people who have been through it and would gently tell their former selves the same things.
- Stay organised from day one.
- Every document matters.
- Keep evidence.
- Learn the process — it reduces fear.
- Don't rush important decisions.
- Ask questions if you don't understand something.
- Keep believing this is temporary.
Common questions
How do I emotionally prepare for divorce?
Start by accepting that there is no single right way to feel. Build a small support network, protect your sleep and routines, and give yourself permission to ask for help. Many people find counselling or a trusted community invaluable during the early stages.
What financial documents do I need to gather before divorce?
Collect bank statements, mortgage statements, credit card and loan details, pension documents, payslips or income evidence, tax returns, business accounts if relevant, property valuations and insurance documents. Even a rough picture helps professionals advise you more quickly.
How do I prepare for divorce with children?
Keep routines as normal as possible, avoid involving children in adult disputes, and keep a calm, factual record of arrangements. Focus on their wellbeing and remember that shielding them from conflict is one of the most protective things you can do.
Should I talk to a solicitor before telling my partner?
It depends on your situation. If you feel safe, understanding your options early can help you make informed decisions. If there is any risk to your safety or finances, seek professional advice before having the conversation. A solicitor or legal advice line can help you think through timing safely.
Is this guide legal advice?
No. This guide is based on lived experience and is intended as general guidance only. Every separation is different, so always seek professional advice from a qualified solicitor, mediator, financial advisor or other relevant professional for your own situation.
You don’t have to untangle this alone.
Unknotted Foundation is a calm community of people who understand. Share your story, read someone else’s, or simply sit with us for a while.